I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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