I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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