literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
