How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
