have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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