I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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