I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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