we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
