this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
