take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
