I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
