Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
