I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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