I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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