lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
