I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
