the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
