my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
