I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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