I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
