I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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