maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
