time to smoke my breakfast
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
