I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
