I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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