You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
