wakey wakey hands off snakey
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
