Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
