Welp...herpes.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
