I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
