check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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