this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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