I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
