Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
