im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
