just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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