you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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