I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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