I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
