yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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