I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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