he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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