Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This is the high leading the old right now
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
