Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
