like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
