Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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