What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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