Just cropdusted the office
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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