You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
