Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
