My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
