u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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