god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
