At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
