never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
